Build Genuine Confidence Around Women: 3 Proven Pillars That Actually Work

Most guys think confidence is about what you say. It’s actually about what you don’t need to prove. Building confidence as a man is not a skill. It’s a practice of how to be comfortable in your own skin.

Tell me something: who is the realest guy you know?

Most likely, the guy you’re thinking about is very comfortable being himself, or there’s one quality in him that he owns with unapologetic audacity.

Audacity is the first step you must master for true confidence. Audacity for being yourself. Audacity for being the person you are when there’s nobody to judge you.

How to Be Confident Around Women

The first thing you should consider is your perspective. Almost every problem you can think of is like a coin. A coin can never exist with one side. It will always have two sides.

Remember this: one coin, two sides, ALWAYS.

If we see this from one perspective and get into it without the bias most people have, you’ll see that you were so immersed in the problem that the cause was never your point of focus.

When I was younger and wanted to talk to the girl next door, all I ever thought about was how nervous I felt. My stomach turned left to right and did backflips at the mere thought of going up to her and starting a conversation.

But one day, I realized that what I was feeling was a PROBLEM, but what about the cause?

When I thought about the cause of the problem, I found that it wasn’t the girl that was the problem. Instead, it was something called dating anxiety.

What Is Dating Anxiety and How to Fix It

Research shows that people with dating anxiety are not afraid of the approaching side of the process. Instead, the issue lies in the fear of rejection.

Fear of being rejected and being judged. I’ll admit, it’s very easy to be rejected by someone you like. But you must understand that rejection is the most common part of finding a partner. It’s the most normal part of going after somebody. Just because someone rejects you doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Instead, it means that in their opinion, you’re just not a good match.

It might sound simple, but if I’m being honest, the only way someone gets away from social anxiety around women is just by practice. Pull up any study or research on this. Every single time, you’ll find that the solution is to just…talk.

There’s no task you can’t get comfortable at, given you do it enough times. From skydiving to approaching people.

So get yourself out there and practice being in your element.

Why Traditional Dating Advice Kills Your Natural Confidence

Pickup lines create dependency. Dependency on corny lines that don’t work most of the time. Dependency on the fact that your entire approach fails if your pickup line doesn’t work.

Think about it like this: you’re trying to talk to someone, and in your head, it’s basically a hit or miss that can potentially ruin your entire first impression. It’s a plan without contingency measures. No plan B, and no fallback protocol. And worst of all, no way to recover.

My advice here is to just talk to them like you would to anyone. Normal conversations are refreshing in this age of corny ChatGPT pickup lines. Do it enough times and you’ll start to see that you’re getting way more comfortable each time you do it. Comfort equals confidence.

When you talk to someone naturally without any hidden agenda or objective, your natural conversational skills kick in. And so, by extension, your natural confidence kicks in as well.

Pickup Lines Sound Scripted

Pickup lines are basically sales scripts you memorize and say to the potential client (the girl) in order to get a sale (her number).

Think about the last time a salesperson called you on the phone to sell you something. Their entire approach was painfully obvious within the first five sentences, wasn’t it?

Did the fact that they were about to say things to you in order to get something from you make you more interested to talk to them? Most people would say no to that question.

That’s because nobody likes to play into another person’s motives. Nobody wants to give someone the pleasure of knowing they got what they wanted out of them. It’s insincere and honestly very disrespectful. Just like how you would feel if you knew a girl was talking to you because she wanted your money. Ulterior motives kill seduction because they lack sincerity and sound robotic.

The 3 Pillars of Natural Confidence Around Women

How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others treat you. It might sound like wishful thinking, but think about it. What do you think about the man in the crisp suit compared to the guy in a dirty, musty t-shirt?

What do you think about the man with clean fingernails compared to the guy with dirt under his nails?

The difference in attitude isn’t about appearance at all. It’s about respect. Respecting yourself enough to keep yourself at the gold standard.

Pillar 1: Self-Respect Before Her Respect

Most of you have a terrible relationship with yourself because you don’t know how to treat yourself at all. You treat yourself like crap because your source of validation is mostly external. So all your spending and attention is external as well.

Think about your body like a Ferrari. Would you put dirty gas in a car that beautiful? Would you tolerate a dent made on it because someone just didn’t care to pay attention?

You wouldn’t. Nobody would either.

So invest your time and money to eat good food. Invest your time in looking for classy clothing that leaves an impression. A few leather shoes, a few loafers, two sneakers, two daily beaters. Two watches for casual and dress occasions.

After you have food and clothes sorted, it’s time to put some work in. Put some work into your body. Just 45 minutes of working out and 30 minutes of running in the morning keeps you ahead of 60% of people. That’s it, literally.

You might be thinking this can’t be all. You’re right. It sounds easy, and for some of you, it probably is. But the real difficult part of this entire ordeal isn’t doing it. It’s doing it every day. Consistency is the real challenge.

Pillar 2: Outcome Independence

I’ll keep this simple because you’re an adult. You don’t need her approval to be confident or feel good about yourself. That’s the trait of a weak man who doesn’t have the confidence to respect himself. But that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that you don’t have something to defend or feel good about.

You do not need to be the puppy dog who runs around her for a treat. You are a wolf from the mountains. You hunt when you’re hungry, you fight when you need to. Apex predator. That’s what you are. Remember it.

Your confidence is NOT dependent on the outcome because your confidence comes from internal factors, not external outcomes.

From my experience, this actually works in your favor if you play it with some suave. The less you care, the better outcomes you get. Now go back and read it again. Notice I didn’t say the less you pretend to care? Exactly.

Pillar 3: Natural Conversation Skills

Some golden tips from experienced players of the game:

Make sure you enjoy the conversation. That’s the only way she will enjoy your company.

When you focus on enjoying the interaction rather than trying to impress her, something magical happens. Your natural personality comes through. You stop overthinking every word and start being genuinely engaging.

This is where most men fail. They turn conversations into interviews or performances instead of genuine human connections.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I overcome social anxiety around women?

The only proven way to overcome social anxiety around women is practice. Research shows that repeated exposure to social situations builds comfort and confidence. Start with casual conversations and gradually work your way up to more meaningful interactions. Remember, there’s no task you can’t get comfortable at if you do it enough times.

Do pickup lines actually work?

Pickup lines create dependency and sound scripted. They often backfire because they come across as insincere and transactional. Natural conversation is more effective because it allows your genuine personality to shine through. Talk to women like you would talk to anyone else.

What does outcome independence mean in dating?

Outcome independence means not needing her approval to feel confident or good about yourself. Your confidence comes from internal factors, not external validation. Paradoxically, caring less about the outcome often leads to better results because desperation repels while confidence attracts.

How long does it take to build confidence around women?

Building confidence is a daily practice, not a destination. Most men see noticeable improvements within 2-3 months of consistent self-improvement and social practice. The key is consistency in self-respect, physical fitness, and social interaction. Remember, consistency is the real challenge.

What’s the difference between confidence and arrogance?

Confidence is calm and comes from internal self-worth. Confident men don’t need to put others down or brag. Arrogance is insecurity in disguise and often involves belittling others or showing off to mask inner weakness. True confidence doesn’t need to prove anything.

Key Takeaway

Building unshakeable confidence around women comes down to three pillars: self-respect, outcome independence, and natural conversation skills. Skip the pickup lines and focus on becoming the man who naturally attracts quality women through genuine confidence and self-mastery.

Remember: confidence is not about what you say. It’s about what you don’t need to prove.